Twenty five is a terribly odd, yet defying age. After moving back to a small town in Pennsylvania and leaving my friends behind in New York—or scattered across different places—I’ve learned that the concept of friendship now feels harder to grasp than ever. I feel on the brink of being surrounded by those just graduating college, or those who have already paved the way down parenthood, or married life. I have a really hard time meeting those who are in the same stage of life as me, as well as those who are equally yoked in my goals, passions, and hobbies.

While living in New York City, I think I slowly mastered the art of doing uncomfortable things alone. It was intimidating learning a new transportation system, new city, new nuances, yet I found ways to succeed in doing those things ALL ALONE.

I started by going on walks in new neighborhoods alone. I worked from coffee shops, alone. I tried new restaurants, alone. I went window shopping throughout the city, alone. I found these moments to be so freeing because I could choose exactly what restaurant I wanted to try or what stores I wanted to go in, all on my timing.

Before this year, I spent so much time wishing I could meet more friends in my mid-twenties. But after reflecting on the core friendships I do have—even if they’re long-distance—and appreciating the closeness of my family, I realized I needed to start spending more time with myself and learn to be okay with that. That’s when I began my hiking series, challenging myself to visit all 124 State Parks in Pennsylvania.

Now, I want to share the steps you can take to master the art of doing things alone for the first time.

Step 1: Find something you’re very comfortable with.

For example, you’ve probably spent most of your life going out to eat with family or friends. That creates the perfect place to start trying going solo since you already know the routine and what to expect.

Step 2: Plan and romanticize.

Begin with something familiar and make a simple plan to try it solo. Don’t treat this goal of doing something alone like a chore. Instead treat it like taking yourself out on a date. Put it on your calendar and give yourself something to look forward to. Choose a restaurant or activity you already know well so the atmosphere feels comfortable, even if you’re by yourself. I think going out for dinner and sitting at the bar or at a high-top is a great place to start. It’s much less intimidating than sitting alone at a table where you might worry people are watching you (even though I do that all the time).

Step 3: Bring an activity or find something that you have been putting off for a while.

Bring a journal, a coloring book, or headphones so you can watch your favorite show while you are alone. Sometimes even taking your laptop to get work done in a new environment can boost productivity and help you avoid procrastinating. Having something small to focus on helps keep boredom and anxiety away, and before you know it, you won’t even notice you’re alone.

Step 4: Figure out what new thing you want to try alone.

Once you’ve mastered doing something familiar on your own, start exploring things you aren’t familiar with but always wanted to try. Whether it is hiking, running, traveling, horseback riding, or joining a crochet class… figure out what you want to do.

Step 5: Find a role mode & research.

Preparedness is confidence. When I say find a role model, find someone who is doing something you want to be doing and TAKE NOTES. Don’t just watch someone on social media and compare yourself and say “one day“. Instead take pointers and prepare yourself for the unknown. This makes things less scary. If you have someone in your circle that you can look up, take advantage of this! Go with a friend first so when you go alone then you don’t feel as intimidated. Research is key.

Step 6: Do the damn thing.

As the famous Nike Mantra says: Just Do It. Take the first step. It doesn’t have to be a tremendous feat, it can be as easy as short easy hike or booking a hotel just for yourself right down the road. The worst thing that can happen is you don’t try or you make an excuse and shy away. Think about all the things we do every day without fear: pumping gas, going to the grocery store, attending a work conference. We don’t even like doing these things, yet we do them alone without a second thought. Now imagine the feeling you’ll get when you finally conquer something you’ve always wanted to do, completely on your own.

You got this.

I hope you feel empowered to take the first step toward mastering the art of doing things alone. Being alone isn’t scary, it’s truly freeing. And remember, just because you’re alone today doesn’t mean you’ll be alone for life. The right people will fit in, just when you don’t expect it. This moment is about discovering yourself, building confidence, and realizing that your own company is enough.

Until next time.

-Abbi